Office Jokes anyone?

anyone have any office or boss jokes?

I'll start with this one for you ...

Five best things to say if you're caught sleeping at your desk:

5. They told me at the Blood Bank this might happen."

4. "This is just a 15 minute power nap they raved about in the time management course you sent me to."

3. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the Tippex. You probably got here just in time."

2. "Did you ever notice sound coming out of these keyboards when you put your ear down real close?"

AND THE NUMBER ONE BEST THING TO SAY IF YOU GET CAUGHT SLEEPING AT YOUR DESK:
1. Raise your head slowly and say "...in Jesus' name. Amen."

You've set me off on office laughs now LOL - added another below
3 Minute Management Course
Lesson One:

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw
the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"

The eagle answered: "Sure, why not" So, the rabbit sat on the ground below
the eagle and rested.

All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

____________________________________

Lesson Two:

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. " They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Management Lesson:

Bull sh#* might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

_____________________________________

Lesson Three:

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how
warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He laid there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Management Lesson:

(1) Not everyone who sh#*'s on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of #@* is your friend..

(3) And when you're in deep #@*, it's best to keep your mouth shut!


This ends the three minute management course.
must get on with some work now!

A ball of wool!

What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud

Why did the lamb call the police?
He had just been fleeced

What did one sheep say to the other sheep?
"after ewe"